My 5 Canadian American Non-stereotypical Differences (Cont.)

4. Bathroom signs regularly have the guys and/or girls legs split apart vs. together.
…

5. Canada’s paid maternity leave can be up to 52 weeks vs. USA’s can be as low as 0 weeks (don't quote me but that's what I'm told). 

Other NOTEABLES:

6. You separate the blue (non-perishables) and green bag (organic perishables) for the weekly trash vs. having all that go into one bag in the US usually…
 

7. The Canadian Corn Pops are more like the US's Cocoa Puffs without Cocoa.

8. Tim Horton’s in Canada functions much like Starbuck’s being a USA third space between work/home in the US and is a local default that's located everywhere, much like McDonald's in the US (although all three choices are present here).


Read first part of "My 5 Canadian American Nonstereotypical Differences" Here

Top 10 Reasons I Love Living Near a University

1. A guy flies by on a long board my first step out of the door in the morning.
2.  People randomly trying to coerce me into a game of ping pong throughout the day.
3.  I daily bump into people I enjoy without it being in the daily agenda.
4.  People ask me questions about the most random subjects as though I'm a genius in all areas of life.
5. Late night food runs.
6. You walk around more.
7. There’s always voices & laughter echoing around campus throughout the night.
8. Talking to brilliant people who make you feel more intelligent simply by listening to them and being able to say you know them.
9. Chocolate milk & cereal available for all meals of the day…
10. There’s always someone around who can play the guitar.

Offical Release: The Hard Twenty Somethings: Not Alone In The Unknown

It’s Official!  My first book, "The Hard Twenty Somethings: Not Alone In The Unknown,"
is live and available through Tate Publishing and Amazon! (hard copy, ebook, audio book, the works!) 
Tate: http://goo.gl/GsTIFg (you might receive it a little quicker)
Amazon: http://goo.gl/PsL0gn
There’s even a 15 sec book trailer below!

"The Hard Twenty Somethings" discusses what we can do as young adults when the unexpected hard times hit and you're feeling alone in your situation.  The transitions in our twenties before we settle down more permanently are difficult and emotional.  They're hard.  Let's talk about it.

I have so appreciated all of your support, feedback, and Amazon reviews so far.  I really believe that the vision for young adults to read this book and turn and run harder towards God is already beginning to come true.  Thanks for sharing this journey with me.
O. Brent Dongell

I Didn’t Choose To Lead. It Chose Me. And Therefore I Choose To Lead.

I always had a certain amount of influence growing up, but I never fought for it or necessarily desired it.  Circumstances just made it happen. 

At the same time, as I read and took the Bible very seriously to heart, it talked of living in a way that you “Do not withhold good from those to who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.”[1] And “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…”[2] And “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”[3] And “Telling the Good News does not give me any reason for bragging. Telling the Good News is my duty—something I must do. And how terrible it will be for me if I do not tell the Good News. ¹⁷ If I preach because it is my own choice, I have a reward. But if I preach and it is not my choice to do so, I am only doing the duty that was given to me.”[4] 

…I couldn’t help but help people. 

I have been given too much.  There is too much I can give, I must give, rather than stay still or self-centered.  It’s not right.  This is how I became a leader. 

Up until this point, I have been a leader by default, not by choice.  I made a choice to make a difference, not an active choice to lead people.  Leading was the product (and a product I’ve hesitantly feared for different reasons).  I chose to not be still and make a difference for God and somehow this has translated into me coming alongside of friends and people who have the same heart.

Only in the last couple of years have I been coming to acknowledge, accept, and own this leadership personally.  I don’t want to go through life being “a leader by default”.  I don’t want to be an apologetic or begrudging leader of false humility.  I want to own who God has created me to be…  A Servant leaders’ leader.

This whole blog came from my reflection as I just finished reading the excerpt below on the choice of leadership in Seth Godin’s book called Tribes: 

Every tribe is different.  Every leader is different.  The very nature of leadership is that you’re not doing what’s been done before.  If you were, you’d be following, not leading.

All I can hope for is that you’ll make a choice. Every leader I’ve ever met has made the choice, and they’ve been glad they did… 

Once your choose to lead, you’ll be under huge pressure to reconsider your choice; to compromise, to dumb it down, or to give up.  Of course you will.  That’s the world’s job: to get you to be quiet and follow.  The status quo is the status quo for a reason. 

But once you choose to lead, you’ll also discover that it’s not so difficult.  That the options available to you seem really clear, and that yes, in fact, you get from here to there.

Go.”[5]

So really, the title of this blog should read,

I Didn’t Choose To Lead.  God Chose Me.  And Therefore I Choose To Lead.

           

Thank you God for the life, opportunities, strength, and calling that you have given to me to make a difference for You and all that is good.

---

[1] Prov 3:27

[2] Matt 28:19

[3] Eph 4:29

[4] 1 Cor 9:17 NCV

[5] p. 146-147

How Do I Express GOD?

How Do I Say All That God Is?
How Do I Express... GOD.

Words are just not enough.

I can try and use words but sometimes I need art or sports or music to express what words can't.

Even if I know all the right words there's some feelings that only art without words can express.
Even with word and art, there are some physical aspects that only sports can express without words or art. 
Even with words, art, and sports, there is some connection that only relationships can express. 
Even with words, art, sports, and relationships, there is still a peace that can only come from being with God's creation instead of man made structure. 
And even with words, art, sports, relationships and God's creation, there are still some spiritual moments that only a sanctuary moment can express.

How can I fully express God to others?

It is a constant joyful striving of finding him not only in words, but the emotions of art/music and the physicality/challenge of sports and the grass root peace of God's creation and the God connection/acceptance of the sanctuary moments that are too full to be able to express in one way or one experience...

....actually it would take a lifetime.


He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end

In Regards To Future Planning, You Will Move For One Of 3 Reasons: Which One Are You?

My Theory Is That Our Living Situations Are Repeatedly Directed Primarily By One Of These Three Priorities: Opportunity, Place, or Relationships. 

Opportunity says:
I am going or staying with the God-given best opportunity.  The location and relationships will have to follow.
ie. "I am staying in or moving back to Michigan because I got a dream job scenario out there."

Place says:
I am going or staying in this area for God.  The right opportunities and relationships will  have to follow.
ie. "I am staying in or moving back to Michigan because I love it and will apply for work once I get out there."

Relationship says:
I am going or staying for these God given relationships.  The right opportunities and place will have to follow.
ie. "I am staying in or moving back to Michigan because that is where I feel most loved by my family community."

Once you start listening, you begin to hear how people often process your plans and their future options using one of these three as their starting point towards a direction.  I don't know how it helps, but it has definitely been a good clarifier to know about myself and others.

Bringing Up Your Past To Bring You Down- Jesus Understands

When Jesus is on trial before his crucifixion... they can't find anything wrong.
The only thing they can do is hold his past words and sermons against Him,

"He said he would tear down and rebuild the temple in 3 days..." 

In a time where people and leaders have to be more conscious about what they publicly say, stand for, or write, we must remember: this is a part of walking the path of Jesus.

With the un-erasible internet and digital media trails, anything can inevitably be dug up and used against leaders today.  This is a different pressure, but not a new problem.  People will inevitably try and hold your words and your past against you.

It is not a matter of having the perfect past, but of God redeeming us and taking us to where He wants us to go.
Of standing strong and pushing through what we don't deserve towards what matters.
Jesus' focus was not about defending his past words but in loving forward to the cross.

To keep from stumbling as Christians,

 we must make every effort to possess God's qualities 

and never forget we have been cleansed from our past sins.

    For this very reason, make every effort to possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ: add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 

      But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.  Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

2 Peter 1:5-11

The Reality Lie: Great Man… and a Great Failure…

The Reality Lie: Great Man… and a Great Failure…

                           In the middle of knowing that God loves me and that I have done a lot, there are so many failures along the way.  So many people that fall through the cracks that I had the opportunity to help, where I was in their lives and feel like I was supposed to help. (this was the REALITY of how I felt as I journaled…)

The Reality Truth: Great Man… with Great Failures… And Greater Redemption

                           (This was the truth I can sit on a few days after the journal).  Honestly, this statement of Great Man… with Great Failures… And Greater Redemption is my core faith in the truth of God’s Words going ahead of my feelings and logic.  The Bible says "How much more will grace abound" (Romans 5) over the effects of sin in the world (ie. failure)… God is going to use my shortcomings for His glory for greater redemption more than my failures.  This is a promise for Christ followers.  I must rest in this truth even when my real feelings say otherwise.

But where sin increased, grace increased all the more...

"Just Because I Love You..."

This is what grace says.  "Just because I love you..."

We, Dongell siblings, are accustomed to receiving little cards from my mom which simply read, "Because I Love You."  The card will be sitting next to candy on our beds or some random gift depending on the occasion.  No strings attached, just a gift of love, just because.  It's so small, yet it's so big.  It's helped me define grace.

God's grace to humans is what "Because I love you" cards are to us Dongell siblings.  This is why salvation is so meaningful.  Grace happens before, Grace happens during, and Grace happens after.

When we resist Him, What God gives to us says, "Just because I love you..."
Before we want Him, What God give to us says, "Just because I love you..."
When we choose Him, What God gives to us says, "Just because I love you..."
After we've chosen Him, What God gives to us says, "Just because I love you..."

This is Grace.

I Stopped Tasting & Just Started Consuming

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            As I slowly ate a bite of my high quality Chinese fast food, I realized it was the first time in awhile that I had “tasted” my food.  I had been so busy going and consuming, that my whole meal was going down my throat in one bite.  I haven’t been pausing long enough lately to breathe and taste the flavor on my tongue and lips.  This often simultaneously reflects a deeper problem.  Somewhere along the way, I stop tasting the flavor of life & just start consuming.  It's a crazy place to be.

            We naturally want to taste and enjoy the flavor of food/life.  But we have to combat our natural tendency to just consume.   At that moment of static consumption, it's easy to start losing the flavorful ‘taste’ of life.  I sometimes start consuming and miss the joy.  Lord, help me to feel and sense as I focus and drive.  Help me to always protect a tasteful "life" in the midst of it all. 

Because your love is better than life... I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods 

-Written By One of God's Flavorful Musicians-

SHAKE: This is my journey towards being unshaken

       Wrestler with God.  This was spoken over me as a name in my earlier years as an adult.  It was so true but I wasn’t sure if I should be excited or concerned with how close it resonated.  A positive person doesn’t like to focus on the struggle consistently.  A “Christian shouldn’t be in a constant struggle if God’s burden is easy and light” I often reason with myself.  I am still not sure I can completely tell you why this is a theme of my life (and I feel like many don’t get it), but it’s there.  It’s highlighted throughout my life like the kind of dog or car you start seeing everywhere after you buy it for yourself.  The struggle is highlighted in my inner life and so I see it everywhere in people’s lives and the Bible.  I don’t really see it as good or bad because it can be either but rather as it just is. 

        The struggle is here for my lifetime as a human, so the more important question is how am I supposed to see it or respond?  Am I supposed to fight it and get rid of it more as a problem to fix then a tension to manage?  Or is it a tension to manage more than a problem to fix and I’m supposed to work on it constantly while knowing it's an inevitability. 

What really kills me is riding the middle line in the Christian world.  It is the line between we are all hurting vs we are all meant to be healed.  It is the line right between people who know there is no true life without struggle vs the people who know there is no true life with only struggle.  It’s one I could argue on both sides of the Bible.  Things have been shaken up.  Things will be shaken up.  Things will be unable to be shaken up one day.  So what am I supposed to accept as reality or work towards?  Preparing for a shake or the unshaken.  Asking for a shake or being unshaken?  God, what does it mean for this world to shake?

         It’s almost like David’s Psalms.  He ruins almost every positive great Psalm with something about God’s judgment or enemies.  Have you ever noticed that?  You have a triumphant Psalm about relying on God and his greatness and then right in the middle of it, is something about how he is distraught or how God needs to smite his enemies and bring justice.  I love David’s wrestle.

Healthy Boundaries: I'm Failing When I'm Not Leading By Example

You're Life Has To Lead The Way.

This is one of the best and worst things about leading and teaching people.  I can spend all the time in the world with people and great intentions, but if I don't have healthy time limits or boundaries set in place, I'm also teaching and giving those around me an unrealistic or bad picture of how to live with healthy limits or boundaries.   

I'm in a surgery of the heart time where God is having to tweak and cut out some of these inconsistencies.  Never easy, but always good.

The Lord your God will do surgery on your hearts and the hearts of your descendants, so that you may love him with all your heart and with all your soul, and live.

Deut 30:6 

 (Italics Are My Interpretation)

Change

Change is a Comin'.

This year, I've been sitting on this ingenius Formula For Change:   

D x V x  F > R

Which means:  Dissatisfaction x Vision x First Steps > Resistance
Which Means: The combination of Dissatisfaction, the Vision, and the First Steps towards change must be greater than the Resistance for change to happen in a certain area.
(and if you multiply anything by 0 it equals 0, or in this case, Resistance will win if any of those three factors are missing.)

But take note: Dissatisfaction is a necessary ingredient for great changes to happen.

The other day my frustration was growing as the dissatisfaction with my lack of exercise & eating habits was trickling into other areas of life.  I was just having one of those unhappy days.  When I was trying to sit before the Lord, I heard the phrase "Change is comin" in my head.  It brought me back to this idea: there can be a very exciting purpose in the middle of an unhappy and dissatisfying times when approached appropriately because it can mean:
Change is Comin.

Dissatisfaction can represent a breakthrough on the horizon.

There is so much more depth to this Formula of Change that will have to wait for a later post, but Remember: When dissatisfaction is channeled right for God, it means:

Good Change is comin. 

 "Come near to God and he will come near to you...

Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.   

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."

J4:8-10

Something Hard To Swallow As A Twenty Something… Is That I Am Not Gonna “Arrive” As Fast As I Want

Something hard to swallow as a twenty something… is that I am not gonna “arrive” as fast as I want or for probably another ten years career wise…

If you’re saying, “This isn’t going as perfect as I expected,” it’s probably not the first and definitely not the last time you’ll experience this in your twenties.

I have twenty three year old friends wondering why their lives or money haven’t taken off the way they want and they're asking, “Where is God in this?”  I asked this at 23.  Actually it's five years later and I'm 28 years old still asking, “Why haven’t I ‘arrived’ completely to my dream scenario?” It is so funny…  But not funny at all!  (And please don’t misunderstand, I have a blessed and amazing scenario right now that I love.) 

Most leaders in my field of work that I see as in the ideal scenario of freedom and focus are often 35 years old or older.  For 90% of us, working ourselves into our preferred place will not be in our twenties.  This is hard to swallow.   

Our feelings say we are not gonna last another week without things getting fixed, but leadership wisdom and experience show that where 90% of us want to be will often take time.  More time than our feelings say they’re willing to wait.  We're tempted to think, "My feelings and patience are having trouble with not knowing today or this week or this year, let alone another decade."

Money strain is frustrating.

Uncertainty is frustrating.

It's hard, but you'll make it through.

            If you’re saying, “This is not going how I expected… and its HARD!” This is probably not the first and definitely not the last time you’ll say that in your twenties.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.  (written by a guy on house arrest in the middle of his dream calling)

My homepage opens to...

It’s crazy how we can control where our minds first go… do we consider that?

I hadn't thought about my homepage much until I recently commented on my friend having the bible opened on her computer.  She said, "It reminds me to start with God whenever I start my day or get on the internet."

Wow. 

It’s crazy how we can control the first thing we allow our minds to run to… I can forget that.

           

My homepage opens up to a New Zealand newspaper… which keeps me up to date on world news.

I've chosen that for right now, and I am personally glad my page doesn't first open up to my email or Facebook where other people's actions or messages shouting out for me to respond could dictate my first thoughts.  I don't want others to choose where my mind goes when I first start work or my day off.

Do you let the internet world choose where your mind first goes when you get online or do you choose it?

Am I allowing space and choosing to make chances for God to be one of my first thoughts in the day like a default homepage? 

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love 

PS143:8

I Love The Local Spots

What is it about finding a hidden treasure of a place or restaurant that you love and can own as "your own spot" that is so special?  One of my spots in Lansing is Theios and it is nothing special outside of I feel very local there.

I get to people watch and sit in a crowd I wouldn’t normally sit in
…it’s not my normal crowd and I love it. 

There is something special about an escape from the norm.   A place that can be spectacular but not because of any grandiose thing but because you find the grandiose there in everyday living.  This is where more of your dreams incidentally come to fruition by simply doing life there.  I love these spots.

I love it even more when I've met with God in those spots.  Then its cemented as a significant spot. 

It could be a great thought or conversation or moment with friends or a project finally completed, but it’s hard if not nearly impossible to erase the place and moment where you know you have seen or met with God in a real way.  It's hard to erase the places that feel like home.

Everywhere I live I search for local spots.

There he built an altar... because it was there that God revealed himself to him

G35:7

“How did I have so much more capacity in college than I do now?”

Invisible Responsibilities...

We can be so blind to how much invisible responsibilities weigh.

It’s different when the buck stops at you.

When you are the point person instead of living under someone else’s umbrella.

We might ask, “How did I have so much more capacity in college than I do now?”

We didn’t.

Actually, other point leaders above us held the invisible pressures of responsibility while we developed and took on partial responsibilities underneath.

This is the professor thinking through how the class flows in addition to his content preparation.  This is you leading a hundred teens or leaders but under another director or pastor who oversaw all of the conference or church bills and coordination that you would've drowned in.  This is being able to earn and spend money as a teen while not having to carry the full pressure of the whole family and mortgage. 

There can be this false sense of how great we are growing up without knowing or acknowledging how much invisible responsibilities are being held by someone else until we become the point person.  Until we become independent.  Until we become the point leader where the buck stops.

This is one reason why a youth pastor with a group of 300, might start as a lead pastor of a group of 75 people.  It’s a big jump carrying the weight of the whole church family rather than a certain group and ministry budget underneath a pastor’s lead of the entire budget and vision.

           

I think this invisible factor makes life extra hard after college: 

one of the unexpected parts of growing up that people don’t see is the invisible weight of being the point person.

If a senior pastor who did absolutely nothing but carry the weight of his title and expectations, I believe this alone holds an invisible responsibility and greater weight than most could ever imagine or experience anywhere else.

We take for granted growing up being under the umbrella of our leadership… parents, teachers, pastors, bosses, etc.  From underneath, we pridefully tell our pastors/parents/bosses/teachers what they need to do differently, but 90% of the time we would personally fail to jump the gap if we tried because we underestimate or don’t know the invisible responsibilities they carry.

We must be strong and realize as we “back track” after college into building our independent lives and careers, that we didn’t backtrack. 

It’s just now we carry the invisible responsibilities as we continue to grow and mature past where we once were before.

The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field.  Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree (with such big branches), so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches.

(Mk 4:32/ Matt 13:31-32)

God, help me to accept the growth curve from living under someone else's shade to creating shade for others.