15 Ways To Stop Christian Gossip (Part 3 of 3)

1. Don’t Accept Generalities as Truth from Others.
2. Ask for Permission from The Confider to Share (even when inconvenient) Before You Break a Person’s Trust.
3. Don’t Latch Onto Criticism Easily. Ask, “Is This Promoting Unity on the 90% We Agree on or Dissonance on the 10% We Disagree on as the Body of Christ?”
4. Be Open to Hearing Differing Opinions While Entrusting Yourself To God First, an Inner Circle Second, and a Healthy Outside Third Party Before You let the Crowds Validate your Actions and Self-Worth.
5. Develop a Reputation Where Details and Stories Stop at You.
6. Ask Yourself in Reflection, "Would others Say that I have been Vocally Complaining or Unsatisfied with every Friend Group, Life Scenario, or Church in my life so far?"
7. Ask, “Am I Putting Down Someone to Prove I’m Comparably Better than that Person or that I Should be in their Position?”
8. Hold People Accountable When they Confide or Else don’t let them Be Repeat Dump Offenders.
9. Speak the Truth... in Love...
10. You Aren't Supposed To Tell Everyone All of Their Wrongs Without Them Giving You Permission. Don’t try and Be the Close Best Friend/Informant to someone who hasn't asked for your opinion or isn't close.
11. Have an Awareness of Your Weak/Vulnerable Moments and Watch Your Words.
12. Have an Awareness of When You’re Feeling Defensive and Watch Your Responses.
13. Ask, “Have I or Could I Say This To Their Face in Love?”
14. Ask, “Is There an Honouring, Constructive Nature to this Conversation?”
15. As a Leader/Supporter, ask, “Does this Story Match the Character I already Know of that Person and, if not, am I Going to Give them the Benefit of the Doubt first?"

7 Leadership Lessons Dealing With A Christian Gossip (Part 2 of 3)

1. Challenge The Generalizer.
- Ask for the specific names of people to deal with the issue head on instead of letting people talk in general terms.
- Tell the gossip that if they have a real problem, they need to do something or else you will if they won’t.

2. Have The Awkward Conversations Upfront.
- Don't give in to the whole "promising before they tell you"… If they want or need to tell you bad enough, they'll still continue talking considering they have already come to you in trust.
- If there's doubt, directly ask the person for permission to share their private information (even if it's inconvenient), before sharing with someone else, or just don't do it.

3. The Negative Few Are Consistently Louder Than The Content Majority.
Critics are often more vocal and intentional than those that are happy and content. The masses that are happy and content often say nothing because everything is good and/or they don’t want to get into a confrontation.

4. Not All Sources Deserve Equal Weight, Trust, and Priority.
There needs to be a filter in church families that accounts for competence, trust, and maturity in the same way that there’s a weighted trust towards the dad over the 4 year old when it comes to household finances.

5. Take It With A Grain Of Salt.
Check your sources before flippantly talking.  Stop spreading stories that are not of God.  Be someone others trust because they know you let other trusted sources hold you accountable to reinforce or negate the stories told that may be untrue.

6. Promote Unity On The Agreed 90% Before Creating Dissonance Over The Disagreed 10%.
There is a time to correct, but there is an even greater call to unity. Go directly to the person with a problem when possible instead of creating dissonance among the crowds. People need commitment towards good even when things aren't completely perfect. Choose to be around those that are unified and committed.

7. Gossips & Bullies Often Put Down Others Out Of Insecurity To Make Themselves Look Better.
This principle helps us as leaders remain lovingly focused on helping everyone, including the mean spirited through their hurt before attacking out of anger.  It's easy to be personally defensive and assume you can't sinfully hurt the bully while trying to correct the problem.

7 Ways to Spot a Christian Gossip

1.      “Everyone is talking" or "A lot of people have a problem with…”  When this person is asked, "Who is 'everyone' exactly?", it's usually just them and one or two others they've talked to while they're assuming that means everyone else.   This person talks in general terms for "the masses" without a defined crowd or wanting to call their one or two friend sources out. 2.     “I’m just going to tell you but don’t tell anyone else…” They think they are just having fun or being a good friend, but these words expose them as being a bad friend when breaking trust with the originator without asking for his or her permission before speaking. 3.     “I can't believe they are...”  This righteous indignation is masked slander a lot of the time.  People who speak negatively about those in leadership without giving loving thought to their actions are most likely speaking out of a sinful, rather than godly attitude based off of Ephesians 4:29 & 1 Thessalonians 5:11-13.    4.   “I have to hear everyone’s side of the story with any and every opinion…” – This person goes around hearing from everyone, even untrustworthy sources, to give them a voice.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say that every word and opinion should be voiced and heard. 5.    “Did you hear what this person…”  If people are bringing stories to you about others, you need to make sure to ask yourself, Am I sure I'm not the gossip or that I'm encouraging gossip myself?  “A Gossip is like a Garbage Disposal… People will keep bringing their trash where they know it can be dumped.” 6.    “The reason I left that church is because of this and that wrong reason” As a pastor, you quickly have to learn that people who talk bad to you about others will soon talk bad about you to others also.  No, you will not be the one Christian person or group that never hurts them and that they don't complain about.  7.    "They are such... (fill in your choice of hurtful names or adjective)."  This is when people put down others to feel a sense of gratification.  Whether it makes the gossip look better or just gives them importance by having something to talk about, this discussion is at the other person's expense.  The gossip can lean towards bullying or "the over caring".  Gossips can be mean to the person's face but they're even more so behind their backs.  The bully simply disassociates themselves from the person in more public situations while the "over caring gossip" does so in more private "confiding" scenarios.

9 Funny-But-So-True College Blind Spots

  9 Funny-But-So-True College Blind Spots

1.  “I’m too busy.”  Except everyone's always busy… and online talking to friends.

2.  “I should just go out & live my dreams now. I don’t need college,” said by every ancy global minded friend in college.

3.  “After college, everything will just work out,” said the naive life picture in my head.

4.  “Having loose morals won’t affect me long-term,” said missed opportunities from one bad call in a moment of stupidity.

5.  “I wouldn't really change anything about this school,” said no entrepreneur ever.

6.  "Being mentored and mentoring are nice ideas if there's time." said the hundreds of nonexistent professional athletes who wrestle with whether they should have coach or not... Do it!

7.  "My friends are so much fun, that's all I care about." Your five closest friends will drastically affect your life trajectory, thought process, habits, and maturity (or lack thereof), have fun but choose wisely.

8.  "The food options here are so limited." #firstworldproblems

9.  "I'll pick up a new skill or life dream when I have more time." You won't have more time. It's NOW! Whether that is traveling on breaks, playing the guitar, learning a language, going on a date, or trying a new sport, the time to give it a shot is now.  Now is when you have the time and people available. Make it happen.

This is Grace. "Just Because I Love You..."

Growing up, my mom left unexpected gifts for my sisters and I on our beds or sent packages to us during university with a note that simply read, "Because I Love You".  This was key to helping me understand what grace means.

Awhile back, I was reading up on the word grace and was blown away by its richness, so this is me passing it on..  the quotes mostly coming from here.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace toward me was not in vain. 1 Cor 15:10 ESV

For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. John 1:16

Thus says, the Lord, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." Jeremiah

^"But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." James 4:6-8 ESV

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” -Anne Lamott

“For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.” - Saint Augustine of Hippo (354-430) 

“The growth of grace is like the polishing of metals. There is first an opaque surface; by and by you see a spark darting out, then a strong light; till at length it sends back a perfect image of the sun that shines upon it.” -Edward Payson (1783-1827)
 

“A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough today to last him for the next 6 months, nor can he inhale sufficient air into his lungs with one breath to sustain life for a week to come. We are permitted to draw upon God's store of grace from day to day as we need it.”
- D. L. Moody See: Deut 33:25; Psa 46:1; Heb 4:16 

“God appoints our graces to be nurses to other men's weaknesses.” - Henry Ward Beecher

 

“God is no faultfinder, always looking for things to condemn in us. He estimates us at our best, not our worst.” - Henry Ward Beecher

“Man is born broken. He lives by mending. The grace of God is glue." - Eugene Gladstone O'Neill (1888-1953)  

“The motive and purpose behind the law ... is to make it clear exactly how much you must do and no more. Grace refuses to put a ceiling or a floor on concern for the neighbour.” - Joseph Fletcher 

“Men may flee from the sunlight to dark and musty caves of the earth, but they cannot put out the sun. So men may in any dispensation despise the grace of God, but they cannot extinguish it.” - A. W. Tozer (1897-1963) 

“As heat is opposed to cold, and light to darkness, so grace is opposed to sin.” - Thomas Benton Brooks (1608-1680) 

“Grace does not destroy nature, it perfects it.” -Saint Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) 

“Grace binds you with far stronger cords than the cords of duty or obligation can bind you. Grace is free, but when once you take it, you are bound forever to the Giver and bound to catch the spirit of the Giver. Like produces like. Grace makes you gracious, the Giver makes you give.” -E. Stanley Jones (1884-1973)  

What Young Adults Need in Church

1. TO BE CHALLENGED:

• To get into the Word (not talk about Christianity or Biblical subjects, but to be reading the Word straight up).
• They need to know you are going to acknowledge that it's tough, while being told it's going to be great all at the same time.... the hope of something greater.  

2. TO BE INVESTED AND TAKE OWNERSHIP IN THE LARGER CHURCH:

• They want to feel needed and empowered to contribute instead of just attending.
• They want to feel like they fit or are at least wanted.

3. TO BE LED:

• To have a listening ear and voice of wisdom in one's life meets one of our deepest needs and cravings.
• To be given great permission to be ourselves and to dream and be believed in.
• To be coached and stretched beyond our current capacity (we will hate you and love you for it).

4. PERMISSION TO LIVE FULLY AND GO:

• Too often young leaders feel under celebrated when they feel sent and ready to move on to a new job or place.  We need to create a culture that celebrates this going.
  

5. ENCOURAGED TO ASK HARD QUESTIONS & SAY POTENTIALLY UNACCEPTABLE THINGS IN REGARDS TO THEIR FAITH.

• We need to be more frank with God without being careless with our words.  We often fail to open up out of a fear of embarrassment, misunderstanding, or religious formalities.  We should really fear not talking to God even more.

WORDS OF WISDOM FOR YOUNG ADULTS

• Accept questioning and potentially unfair or misunderstood comments about your life with grace.  People will comment on your scenario unfairly and you need to be the bigger person.
• Know and speak clearly about your spiritual convictions and preferences personally before you apply them universally.  Too often we ignorantly put our opinions on the world without really living them out ourselves or knowing if it's really the best or only right way.
• Don't be ignorant in believing that this is the hardest time of your life because there will be harder times in your next two years ahead.  It's a new and different hard and you can't see out of it, but you know you will and can push through.

How to Master Your Walk With God

The mastery theory says it takes 10,000 hours to master something.

Based on approximates, averages, & stats, here are a few things you will master in this life naturally:
By 4 months or 13months, you have mastered being alive
By 1.1, you've mastered being a son or daughter
By 2, you've mastered being awake
By 4, you've mastered sleeping
By 7, you've mastered playing
By 8, you've mastered being social/ being in school/ being at home
By 13.6, you've mastered eating (2hrs/day)
By 14, you've mastered watching TV
By 27, you've mastered working
By 56, you've mastered going to the bathroom and bathing

So What time commitment would it take to master your walk with God?

By 147 praying (10min/day)
By 192 reading the Bible (1hr/wk)

In 27 years, you can master a spiritual habit practiced 1 hour every day.

So How do you master your walk with God?  I can't give you a concrete universal, but I can give you a suggestion.

The Principle Takeaway?  It will take a consistent intentionality and time investment to master spiritual disciplines to grow as close as you can to God.  Until we follow God's prompting and develop spiritual practices that start to come naturally, we will have to seek God with more than just an assumption that humanity will do this naturally.

We Take For Granted Our Youth Pastors

No Youth Pastors = Teens Absent In Church.

While visiting Haiti, the cultural norm of lacking a youth pastor in churches was the local's explanation for why 13-20 year olds ("jr. youth") were lacking in the Wesleyan churches.

Haitian church roles often include a Lead pastor for the church and a Kid's Pastor/Leader  for ages 13 and under.

Those over 20 years old (who are considered still youth) are taking initiative and responsibility in creating a place in church for themselves and their peers, but they're lacking an intentionality in reaching down to the next generation.

So the 13-20 year old teens just aren't coming.

I know there are 13-20 year olds who can lead the charge in our churches (but that is the rare exception without an adult point figure).  I never noticed this before.

I've never said thank you to youth pastors simply because their choice to live beyond their same aged friends and peers and intentionally reach out to the next generation, is most certainly a huge reason why we don't have a much larger problem of no teens in our churches.

Thank you youth pastors for your selfless investment.  You go beyond your comfort to help lead those who need spiritual leaders.  You are one of the biggest proponents for the gospel by engaging humanity when we're younger and most open to receiving the gospel.  We need you in the church.

Thank you from the bottoms of my heart.

Haiti Youth on The Move

The Youth Leaders Convention is done and the Haiti Youth Leaders Are On The Move.

This Youth Leader's Convention was Ground Breaking from the perspective of many leaders involved.  165 Youth Leaders of all ages and levels of education from all over Haiti coming to Port-au-Prince and then being sent out to focus their youth groups on reaching the 13-20 year olds (jr. youth) being lost in their churches. 

 

  This is Number 1 of 4 Trainings that will happen every 6 months for the next 2 years.   Carl and Maya Gilles with Global Partners are coming alongside of the youth board (sitting below) who are the solid local leaders making it happen on the ground. 

 This was the closest thing to a large youth camp/convention that many of these leaders have experienced.  Their feedback sheets ooze with people making spiritual commitments, being challenged, and this revolutionizing the way they'll begin to lead in their church/ youth groups in the future.

The Projected Aftermath (in my opinion):

1. A New wave of youth ages 13-20 being saved (where it's been people after 20 years old being saved and taking leadership more seriously here.
2. There were multiple people who received Christ, and an even greater number of leaders committing to full-time life of ministry.
3. For many this gave a New Confidence and Clarity to revolutionize their youth groups from a Sunday afternoon social time for all ages to a focused ministry to save the missing next generation with a healthy balance of outreach events and smaller accountability groups.
4. A Huge New wave of Youth Leaders stepping up in their 20's or 30's who have not felt empowered in their churches and simply still attend because their considered youth.  This 4 part training really will be the base of training up the next generation of lay leaders and many lead pastors concerning youth ministry (many don't have access to resources or biblical training anywhere in Haiti or online yet).

John Vermilya from KBM (who grew up in Haiti speaking Creol) was the night speaker.  He absolutely tore it up!

The camp was held at Global Outreach's Camp Barnabas in Haiti

(Below) The Haiti Youth Leaders waited in line for 30-45 minutes simply to receive an optional printed Bible reading plan.

 

 The Caton's Island team (below) run the Wesleyan church's only summer camp on an island that I'm aware of.  They left yesterday after leading the outdoor camp activities and breakout sessions. 

Last but not Least, Hanging Out With Cute Kids Overseas is always a necessity.  These are two of Carl and Maya's girls:

One Interesting Fact about Haiti's Youth Ministry

The Youth ministry here ranges from the ages of 13-30 years old! (at least in the Wesleyan church).

"Jr. Youth" are roughly from 13-19 and "Sr. Youth" are roughly 20-30 years old.

 Plane in to Port-au-Prince

This group seems to have the reverse problem of North American churches.  They have stronger sr. youth ministries for 20-30 year olds but are hurting for jr. youth ministries from 13-19 year olds.

 Missionary Carl Gilles Praying Over a Commitment Time

Cool God Moment: There was a huge break through "a-ha" moment across the crowd this morning when Carl challenged the 20-30 year olds to act as though they've "graduated" from youth and realize it's time to step up as responsible leaders for the 13-19 year olds.

 The Night Meeting Space

I've just finished up my second day of teaching, and just caught up on sleep.  

(2 sessions per day for 5 days, an hour & a half each session)

I'm loving being with the Gilles family, John Vermilya from KBM, and the Caton's Island team.

 This is The Teaching Space Where I'm Training Leaders on the Purpose Driven Youth Ministry

Internet is limited here, so there will only be a few posts over the week.

My Quick Haiti Overlook

Here's The Basic Haiti Information I Found Important As I'm Preparing To Fly Into Port-Au-Prince, Haiti

(please be aware: all statistics are just approximates used as a reference point based off web searches)

Since Life Expectancy is Lower…

63 years old is Life Expectancy (compared to US-79 & CA-82)

This Means A Younger Population Which Means Younger Leaders.

Median age is 22 (US-37 & Canada-40)

The Feel Is…

95% Black (Ethnicity)

Speak French/Creole (only other country in North America besides Canada) (Language)

80% Roman Catholic (Religion)

Voodoo culture still has prominent effects.

Haiti’s Poverty…

Haiti’s poverty is considered among the most severe in the Western Hemisphere with potentially over half of the people living below the poverty line.

$1,000 is an estimate yearly per capita international income (US/Canada closer to $50,000)

This Affects Sanitation, Safety, Education, And A Variety Of Other Living Issues.

Geographically…

Haiti shares the main island beside the Dominican Republic.

Port-Au-Prince is the capital and main airport.

Just Saying...

Mangos are a main fruit.

Soccer is the main sport.

Bouki & Malis are a local folktale that compare the "Smartie" Malis & "Dummie" Bouki.

The 7.0 Earthquake in 2010 was huge devastation for buildings and people killing over 300,000.

Cholera outbreak started in 2010 

2012 Hurricane(s) & rain mixed with poverty limitations cause sickness & difficulties.

Yesterdays Facebook Post from Missionary Maya Gilles Describes the main purpose of this trip where I'm leading 10 Seminars in 5 days:

I Want God

Sometimes I over answer things.  You see, I'm preparing to speak for Kingswood's chapel on Tues, Oct 15 at 8:30am(EST), and I've got all of these great scriptural "gems" to unpack...

But a part of me is troubled.

A part of me is troubled that people will get distracted by my ideas and miss the underlying cry of my heart that simply pounds out, "I want God."

That's all I really want to preach sometimes.      

"I want... Christ."                            

 Ph.3:10a

My 5 Canadian American Non-stereotypical Differences

Two clauses:

1) I promise to write some more indepth posts soon.

2) This is from what I'm experiencing in Atlantic Canada, not all of Canada.

Top 5 Canadian Us Non-stereotypical Differences

1) There’s no hands free fuel lock or auto-clip for fuel nozzles at the gas stations in this part of Canada.

 

2) At stores or even drive-thrus, you don't hand them your credit card, they hand you the credit/debit machine.

 
3) Milk is more expensive in Canada but cheaper when purchased in a bag, even though they still have paper or plastic cartons.

 

Click Here for the Rest "My 5 Canadian American Nonstereotypical Differences (Cont.)"