Thursday, March 22, 2007

Past Journal

Dan, Kate, and I went Surfing on Saturday. The current was crazy strong, but it was just fun to be in the water and the sky was beautiful as you can see below!

Below is Wayne Parks. we went into the store next door to look at boards and recognized that my board was a Wayne Parks board. Turns out i just met the guy below who actually shaped my board off the internet! How random is that to randomlly bump into the shaper of the board you own!!! Only in New Zealand! He was what you would picture a shaper to look at. Laid back personality with long hair, no shirt, sitting outside of his store with all the boards sitting in the back room.

Today was a freeing day in the Lord's presence. I feel like a lot of liberation is taking place in my life. His presence was deeply felt in my time of worship and walking home from work. There was even a sense of delivery and liberation as i prayed over New Zealand and sang the song "Ask and i will give the nations to you" by Shane and Shane. At the same time i am watching people search for community and resorting to the bar. I have walked by a couple of girls crying, hurtin along the sidewalk tonight outside of clubs. It honestly hurts to feel so free and to watch people so hurt. I cannot wait for the day that i see the Lord's working power active in my life in a way that i can help to convince, challenge, love, and change people's lives. I don't have confidence in the Lord or myself, or convictions strong enough to overcome my fear of misrepresenting Christ by preaching something I don't fully understand or feel confident to claim! If i feel this way now about my walk and have for awhile, not just in New Zealand, how about everyone else?!?

Lord, i can't wait for the day when i can confidently and boldly preach and clearly explain the gospel and see lives transformed... but i also fear the disconnect and separation that people might put between me once i do experience this power and victory in the future. I fear barriers people may put between my abilities and there's to experience the same: "Oh, your supposed to be able to do that as a future pastor." "You're Brent, it's just different..."
...I am far from perfect! I have a failed as a sinful human! I have victory now but am still a sinner in restoration. I am confused and don't know how to help people! I don't know how to succeed. i don't know how to be the man i want to be. I have been loved, though. Oh so loved by family of friends and the Lord. Thank you Lord. So what is the answer? What am i wanting you to do now, Lord?... another sign?!? Another "last time sign" of you telling me what to do until the next time i doubt... oh boy!!!

(My time has been good and challenging, but i have constantly been challenged with how to bring up conversations and minister to the nonChristians around me in the best way possible and although i have faith and confidence in the Lord, i still have a general sense of questioning as to the best steps to take and when is the time to be bold and patient... The best answer i have hear is to wait on the Spirit, but that seems so ambigous and hard at times.)

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