Sunday, May 22, 2005
A look in my journal at My Heart
I had a life changing moment last night. I was watching The Replacements of all movies and God spoke to me. (I love how God speaks in the most interesting ways!) We all fear becoming nothing. We fear being told that we are not worth it, that we are a failure, or that we didn’t live up to our potential. It’s crazy how much each of us are like this. I want to be a hero. I want to be worth something. But I have to stop thinking about myself. A hero is someone who fights for a cause greater than themselves(Wild at Heart). I’m so clumsy, incapable, and inadequate to do anything spectacular. The only thing that really makes me special is the fact that, You Jesus, see something in me. I don’t know why, but you love me and make me worthwhile and something. I have a second chance! So far I have yet to be sold out to a cause greater than myself. Oh for sure I love people, love my relationship for the Lord, and am doing good things, but Lord help it to not stop there. Help me to tap into something higher than myself! Help me to live by faith. By that I mean, help my life to go far beyond what I am capable of doing so that I am living by faith not by myself. Right now my faith is too small, my view of You is too small, and I am capably of doing everything in my life. This does not necessarily mean that I need to do more. What it means is that I want to live for something so great that I can’t fathom it. I want to have the problem of praying, “this is too much for me Lord, I need you.” I want be able to mean it when I say that “man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” If I truly look at what I expect from you right now, it’s not much. My faith is hitting its target. Help my faith to go beyond myself, help me to know that my life is worthwhile not because I have accomplished something but because I am fighting for the right team, and PLEASE help me to NEVER forget this truth if that is possible! It’s easy to start looking inward when I fear I am worth nothing. It’s a lot easier to look out when I know I’m worth something. In the name of Jesus, Bind Satan Lord! Help me to stop thinking my competition is against this world and help me to ALWAYS remember my battle is against Satan. Confusion is his game and Satan has got too many people, especially Christians, looking inward because of it. Lord give me the power to fight for the right cause and bring people along. Not so that I will be raised up by a bunch of people on a football field, but that we all might be able to stand together on a battlefield with the Lord… Victorious!