Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Qualities In a Woman of God I Look For:

This has changed over the years... some things are the same, some differentThis was running through my head last night and I just put it down on paper for entertainment purposes so don't over read into these.  That said, if I were to ever get married, some of the things I could see in a woman that I would love to be with are:
(in no specific order)
I want to fall in love with the way she carries herself in beauty, modesty, and grace.

I want her to be someone who would give her life completely to God at all costs.
I want her to be able to hold her own in a crowd without me having to always be by her side.
NEW: I want to say “thank you” to her and for her to say “thank you” to me for things that   come so naturally in the way that we love others, that it almost feels absurd to be thanked for them.  That we laugh and are warmed inside when thanked by each other for doing the things we already love and naturally want to do for others. 

I want for even hers and my spiritual and life preferences to align in a way that is supernatural.
I want her to be someone who invests in others already and voluntarily.
I want to love her fully for who she is at the present, not waiting for anything to change in her character, but being astounded and awestruck by the idea that it’s possible for her to become even more loving and Christlike than she already is as she grows in God.

I want her to be someone who is naturally well-respected and stands out because of God’s love and joy in her.
Bonus Side Thought:
I have always heard of the concept of girls striving to be a Proverbs 31 woman.  Well it’s kinda cheesy, but I’m totally loving the idea I heard recently of guys also needing to strive to become a “6/11” guy from 1 Timothy 6:11 and surrounding verses.


Rachel Emmitt said...

Could I encourage you to spend some time examining the "proverbs 31 woman" idea - did you know that in Jewish culture this is something read to women by their husbands on the Sabbath as an encouragement and act of love, NEVER as a list of what to live up to? we in the west have warped that so utterly and completely and placed a burden on women God did not intend. Listen to "Eshet Chayil" (woman of valour) on the Mars Hill podcast for a great explanation of this. http://castroller.com/Podcasts/MarsHillBible/2811942 Where else does the bible call someone a 'woman of valour' - did they meet the 'prov 31' checklist? If not, why are they still a woman of valour? Great questions to ponder....

Another thing I'd encourage you to get your hands on - before someone comes along - is the book "Sacred Marriage" http://www.garythomas.com/sacred-marriage - there's some great, Biblically sound teaching in there, which focuses on how marriage makes us holy - selfless / patient / self giving etc etc... again, quite different from how we often focus on 'what we want' while we're single. It was given to me as an engagment present & my hubby and I can vouch for it as a fabulous book - it gives you what you need to get through the tough times - which DO come. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, no such thing as the perfect woman, and you're never going to be the perfect man. So in the midst of all our humanness, we need to have a focus on how God wants us to behave through the difficulties of relationship when we're not happy, annoy each other, let each other down etc.

I'd love to see a post on what you thought of this stuff after you've read it / listened to it!

I was given advice while single which was fabulous - use this time to make yourself who God needs you to be so you're ready to be a good partner for someone. Do the hard task of examining yourself - what mistakes have you made in the past, what gets in the way of commitment, have you hurt people & need to learn from what you did etc etc etc. It's not fun, but it is very much worth it.

When I stopped making my lists of 'what I want in a man' and asked God 'who do you want me to be, who do you want me to be paired with' then an amazing man of God came along who did not meet my previous tick list at all. God knew what he was doing - he is the perfect partner who is weak where I am strong and strong where I am weak - the best type of team. If my focus had only been on what makes me happy rather than what makes me edge toward holy, I would have missed out - and funnily enough happiness came along with that struggle towards holiness!

B said...

Rachel, to be honest, my first response was to get defensive, but i want to say thank you for your response. I'm definitely on the same page with the Sacred Marriage concept of marriage being about holiness first and foremost over happiness and how that ultimately leads to happiness.
I'm currently listening to the podcast... Very funny and interesting so far.
I'm responding now rather than later because i don't want to not get back around to this.

I think you are so right and that it is a priority to focus on who you are in God and finding fulfillment in growing in that rather than trying to find that fulfillment elsewhere like in relationships.

I would probably clarify by saying this "list" above isn't so much a list. I would say that this is more me defining parts of how I would love to see a relationship work. Outside of the beauty, modesty, and grace comment that would specifically be more directed towards women, i feel like any of the other qualities are also things i desire to be as a man so I am not trying to segregate.

This is a part of my processing to say, me and a future girlfriend can differ in opinions, but these are hearts desires that are so close to me that I hope we align on them.

In regards to the Proverbs 31 concept... thanks for the podcast... i'm excited to be learning about that right now! :)

Amber Janelle Livermore said...

Hey Brent!

So, I read this post after you first put it up and have been chewing on some tangent thoughts as a result. haha. :) So if you're up for a tangent--here's my stream of consciousness...

"Cool blog, Brent. Maybe I'll write a similar post on my blog about what qualities in man of God I'm looking for... hmm... If I blog that as a female, I bet I'll get a lot of critical feedback about needing to be satisfied as a single, stop waiting around for prince charming, yadda, yadda, yadda. Maybe I won't write that post."

It's just a thought--but do you think my stream of consciousness could reflect a trend? When I hear guys talk about the kind of girl they are looking for, people usually respond affirmatively (for the most part). But when girls talk about this, it's my experience that people usually assume they are 1)looking for some impossible ideal or 2)advertising that they are on the market, i.e. DESPERATE. Or maybe people respond in this extreme way to single guys on this one too, and I'm just slanted in my perspective as a girl?

B said...

nope. i dealt with the same feelings as a guy. And i did get a few joking comments from friends.

I had the same fears that this could advertise me as being single or being portrayed a certain way, but then decided this is my journal/blog and this is something i know a lot of people deal with and think about...

Why shouldn't it be discussed and put out there from someone who is willing to take a little pushback or misjudgement from people and by no means perfect but hopefully in a healthy place to discuss it.

Amber live on as single being a gift. The bible says that being single, married, and having kids are all a gift from God (1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Proverbs 18:22, Psalms 127:3). I have no shame in preaching or portraying that.

A gift. Not to be demanded but thanked for so i have no problem thanking God and being open about the season I am in.