Wednesday, July 04, 2007

One of My Biggest Fears....

One of my biggest fears is this question

Is my life pointing people more to me than to God?

Although i have wondered about this often, I have seriously asked this question and been reevaluating my lifestyle two specific times in my walk.
1. My Last year of college
2. Now, as the Experiencing God book talks about the difference of a self-centered and God-centered life

The Signs:
1. I often search for God to first help me so that i can show and lead others in the same way
2. I suspect people would be more likely to say, Brent... is a great guy ....a great Christian ....has a great heart more often then seeing the qualities of God. The praise seems to often come to me (an ordinary man) instead of back to God and his strength
3. My life is so centered around the Christian life that it is sometimes hard for me to give the exact verse for why i do what i do. I am spirit led, but i fear i set myself up to once again look like the good guy than to be prepared to give God and His truth the credit where it is do.

This is a tough question to ask and i feel like a lot of people don't understand the question or don't want to be honest with me because it scares them to even think about it. They subconsciously think, "How in the world could you say that when your whole life is dedicated for life and if you aren't doing it then how am i supposed to do it?" At least that is what i think in my head.

Most of the responses i get are so rebuttallish that i almost want to except people's words so quickly:
1. They try and reaffirm me and the good i do
2. i hear the subconscious thought i expressed above

Maybe it is a deep struggle that is more of a personal battle...
maybe i am to stubborn to see that God is glorified to me and Satan is putting lies of defeat in my head....
But what i really want:
Is to not let this issue be settled so quickly, but to take time to work through this by myself and others.
I am afraid we are too quick to find an answer to this question: Either i do this or i fail at this because it is an extremely question to find answers to.

Appreciate your help or response:
my email is


Lynne Howard said...

you've been one of the big influences in my relationship with Christ. (me, and my sister, and my friends too). And not just because you're a Godly person, but because when I think of you, i think of God, and I see Him living in you. So thinking of you, seeing your life and your relationship with Him and pursuit of Him, causes others to think of God and pursue Him. And seeing God in you makes others want to know Him. That's a big reason I'm a Christian today. Because of seeing Christ in you, and Brandon and Jennifer. You're impacting many lives, probably more than you know. And that is the greatest purpose in life, to serve God and serve others for the Kingdom. What a blessing and a privilege!
thanks for sharing your heart!


B said...

thanks for the encouragement and thoughts Lynne. That means a lot. Can't wait to see you girls soon!

joyousadventures said...

I am excited to read your blog and the honest things that you wrestle with b/c the Lord is doing something huge in our generation! He is waking a lot of people up to Q what the purpose of our lives are and whether we, esp those who have grown up in the church, are serving manmade religion and just busy doing things for Him or whether we are in love with our Maker, Daddy and the Lover of our souls who jealously yearns for our spirits! I have been wrestling with this over the last few weeks a lot. It gets me really excited when other people are asking, what's all this "good stuff" I do all the time really all about- me or God!! Yes! He is waking up our generation and I love it!! Check out my blog if you get a chance, I have a little bit of what I've been thinking and learning posted. Love you brother!! ~Amy