Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Half Asleep

So somewhere in college i started only halfway sleeping. Ever since i started to analyze and process or just had too much going on, i found myself leaving my light on while i went to sleep in hopes that i would sleep light and wake up early. What i found is that it worked, but i am becoming someone i don't want. I feel like this sense of work never being completed has carried over into a lot of my life. Where i used to hit the bed and sleep hard or go and play hard at a sport, i find myself second guessing whether there is something better i should be doing with my time and never being able to completely enjoy just enjoying living. There is a fine balance there. Maybe it started with the personality tests that said i was great at living in the present but horrible at planning for the future. Maybe it was the sense of there never being enough time to do and experience everything i wanted to in college. Whatever it was, i want simplicity back and i don't know if i can have it. When you realize that each of your choices and actions are forming habits or have the potential to prepare or set you back for the future it is hard to take decisions at face value. Yet my strength is in living not planning. I think i am going to form my business this way. God will be my boss and give me direction and vision. Family and close friends (My future wife someday) will ultimately be the one to bounce ideas off of and help me discern the choices and action steps to getting there. And a secretary to hash out the details of how to complete the action plan since i dislike details. That will be sweet! :)

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