Saturday, September 08, 2007

The More i get to know God the more i don't think i trust Him

I surfed on Lake Michigan yesterday. More to come on that post tomorrow.

Recently i read an excerpt of C.S. Lewis out of the Devotional Classics by Richard j. Fosterp(6-10). C.S. Lewis expresses how our approach to life often starts with our fleshly self. One problem with this approach caught my attention when C.S. Lewis said, "But we are hoping all the time that when all the demands have been met, the poor natural self will still have some chance, and some time, to get on with its own life and do what it likes. in fact, we are very like an honest man paying his taxes. He pays them all right, but he does hope that there will be enough left over for him to live on. Because we are still taking our natural self as the starting point." What i realized was i was somehow this man!?! My whole life plan is centered around his calling right now and yet i heard myself saying, "Yet after this i hope, there is still time and money for me to pursue my own goals. ...I hope there is time after i give to people for me to play, pursue success, and to explore/travel. I actually have had two friends even catch me in this mindset and talk to me about pointless worldly goals and total surrender of my life. C.S. Lewis says the answer is to not start with self and give 90% but that God starts by asking for us to give all of ourselves, 100%. So how do i approach this problem? What it comes down to for me is this, Either:
1. i have just not committed these pursuits to God and put them subject to his opinion and sovereignty yet
2. I am holding on to my own pursuits that are not of God
3. I have a poor view of God that does not trust Him with pursuits that i enjoy, value and even need at times, because i feel that God doesn't "understand" if they do not appear ministry driven.

In regards to #3, why don't i trust Him? Why would God not value or want me to enjoy the things i do? Flippancy, Fun, Challenges, Goals, etc.

Answers to come in the next few days

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