Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Sleeping is my defense mechanism

My Rant on Defense Mechanisms... Then a Story
In Psychology I remember being taught that defense mechanisms are"bad" solutions although i always saw them as my ways to cope!

My Three are Eating, Exercising, & Sleeping.

When my body is injured i am going to get fat because the stress of no exercise just makes me want to eat and sleep!!!!
Sometimes i feel like this:
I wrote this awhile ago.

What is going on Lord? Do i just go with it? No one is requiring me to know what to do yet, but i want to move forward in direction and start taking steps... Most people do that months if not years in advance and i am struggling still for two months down the road... what is that?

I just want to sleep and have it all go away.
I want to wake up and have a job, a place where i know i am supposed to be investing, a girl to pursue, and fun things to go with. If only if only.... but for now i will just sleep

I just want to sleep and have it all go away.
I want to wake up already knowing exactly when to say no and yes. To know my boundaries and what i was capable of and what i needed to do to follow the big picture. if only if only... but for now i will just sleep.

I just want to sleep and have it all go away. All of my worries, all of my potential failures, all of my weaknesses, all of my uncertainties. I want to wake up a new man with a vision and the answers. Secure and bold. Certain and free. If only if only... but for now i will just sleep.

What if my world was changed when i woke up the next day? I woke up with purpose. I woke up with boundaries and focus. I woke as a man ready to take charge of my on life under the name of Jesus ...

After writing this i fell asleep and had this dream:
i dreamt that i went back to a place i had been once before. I was literrally being dragged along the ground by an angel when i asked the guide to take me to the beach to see the surf. Once we got there, we entered across a channel into a whole new world with a panther and 40ft deer where i entered into a village. The people were singing. In fact, they could only sing their dialogue but couldn't stop and talk about the fact that they could only sing or something bad would happen. I stopped at one place and picked up an extra pizza, as i left i was offered a mp3 player, and as i was trying to secretly escape before people realized that i was different than them. then i woke up.

Weird, but a fun dream. No significant tie. Sorry if you were expecting something deep!

As to the poem answer, those are my emotions. I have answers, but sometimes this is just really how i feel

No comments: